Lately I've been drawn back to the thoughts of I can't do this, I don't like this, I don't want to do this. Everything seem to be going wrong. I've been messing everything up in my relationship and everything just seems to be full of bad news.
I tried taking St. Johns Wort because its pretty much the only antidepressant that I can get without a prescription. But I ended up having the same side effects as with the other SSRI medication that I've taken in the past: nausea, vomiting, headaches, insomnia, suicidal thoughts. Though to be fair I felt most of that before I started taking it, so I suppose it just amplified the symptoms I already had. I took it for less than a week because I couldn't deal with the side effects.
I've barely slept for the past week, despite stopping taking it about 2 weeks ago. I feel very stressed at the moment and I've been seeing the shadows again. I keep getting really scared about stuff and the slightest thing terrifies me, like sudden noises and I even managed to scare myself by seeing my own reflection in the corner of my eye. I just get really scared that people are going to hurt me, even though it seems illogical.
I feel like I'm doing a bit better than I was though, so I suppose it'll just pass after a while. Once I managed to sleep properly again it'll probably be ok. Maybe.
