I hadn't got excessively drunk in about 2 years. I didn't intend to drink as much as I did when we went out to celebrate graduation. I thought I was ok, but everywhere was so noisy and I just needed a way to escape it. I feel stupid. I fucking hate myself and I just wish that I could deal with being around people without needed to be drunk.

There's this voice in my head that keeps telling me to hurt myself. And I suppose the only thing that's stopping me from listening to it is the thought of how other people would feel if I was hurting myself again. I'm just worried that if it continues then I won't be able to resist. I guess I just have to hope that I start feeling a bit better soon.