My boyfriend took me out for a meal a couple of days ago to celebrate finishing my assignments and exams. He's still being a bit distant but I think he's just worried about his placement.
I've been planning stuff for my mapping project and it turns out the area I have to map is smaller than I was originally told so I'm less worried about it now.
I'm going to see my niece today and I'm really looking forward to it. I've not seen her for ages and I really miss her.
I cut myself yesterday. I suppose it was just the build up of everything got too much. I'm really worried about my mapping project and I thought I'd at least sorted out having people look after my snails.
My boyfriend had agreed to look after them till my parents got back from holiday but he sprung on me that he had to go home to look after his pets whilst his parents are away. He'd known for ages as well, like before I asked him to look after my snails.
I just feel like I can't rely on him anymore because he keeps doing this to me. We make plans and then he just announces last minute that he's doing something else or he just can't be bothered spending time doing stuff with me. I feel like we barely talk anymore and we barely do anything together. Even though he pretty much lives at mine. He spends most of his time here watching YouTube videos and doesn't seem to be interested in making any time for me. Even just letting me sit with him and watch something together would be nice.
I feel like I'm on my own again, but it's worse because I shouldn't be because he's there. Next year we'll be living together and he'll have his own room and I feel like that just means I'll see him even less.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do because I suggest things we could do together but he's not interested. He won't even sit and talk to me without going on his phone and ignoring me. And it's difficult for me to sit there and try to talk to him when he is listening, let alone when he's not.
But I'm sure it's fine. I'll have finished this year of uni soon and then I'll be home with my parents and my brother and everything will be fine. I can't wait to go home, I've missed them.
The field trip got a bit better over the last few days because I got to work with someone I knew a bit better. The maps got collected for marking at the end of the trip but I don't think I did them as well as I could have.
My uncle's got cancer again and I suppose it doesn't really change much because I don't see him very often anyway. But it makes me worry because I feel like I'm losing everyone.
I have a test and an exam this week, I think the exam went better than the test but I won't find out till August.
My boyfriend has gone to his parents for the weekend. I'd sorted everything for cooking tea for him and got stuff for cooking him breakfast over the weekend and he got back from work and said he was going home. I guess that's just what people do though, make last minute decisions and change everyone's plans but there's not anything I can do so it's all good.
I've got another example next week and 3 assignments due in soon so at least I've got the weekend to get the work done now.
I've just been feeling really sad lately, and it's getting more and more difficult to not cut myself. I know there's nothing anyone can do to help and I don't really think there's much I can do either except try my best to look after myself. I know that it'll pass and I'll feel better, it's just waiting to feel better that's difficult. I can't stop everything because I feel a bit sad, I have to keep going no matter how hard it is. So that's what I'm doing, I guess.
