Day 161 of university

I guess I was right to worry about the field work. We've been assigned partners and mine left me to go do it with his friends. It wouldn't matter too much if he'd told me in the first place because I could have worked with another pair, but they just all walked off and didn't wait for me when we were mapping. We were walking across a boggy mountain and we're in partners incase we have an accident or something. I was really scared because I had to watch where I was walking so I didn't step in giant puddles and I ended up falling over at one point.

It makes me glad that when I do my summer mapping project I'll be with my best friend instead of any of my classmates. I know I'm not the best person to work with because I struggle to talk to them but they could at least make sure that I can keep up with them, even if they're not going to work with me.

Hopefully tomorrow we'll get given different pairs because we're starting a different area. I just want to go home and be able to get my assignments done and be with my friends. That's the worst part about being away, not having anyone to sit with and relax. But it's fine, I'll be home in a few days and everything will be ok.

Day 155 of university

I thought waking up every hour all night was bad, but last night I just couldn't get to sleep at all. I managed to get 3 hours sleep at most and I feel so tired now and I keep feeling like I'm going to be sick because my head hurts so much.

I'm on a field trip in Scotland for 10 days from Thursday. I'm really nervous about it because I'll be sharing a room with people I don't know very well and we have to work in pairs during the day but there's an odd number of people so I'll either end up on my own or get told to work with a pair who probably won't want to work with me.

I've got loads of assignment's due in over the next few weeks as well and I've only managed to get one done so far. I can't concentrate on it properly, probably because I'm worrying about everything so much.

I realised I haven't self harmed in about 4 months, but I really want to at the moment. When I couldn't sleep last night I just kept getting images in my head of cutting myself. My boyfriend was asleep in bed so I'd have woke him up trying to find my blade. Maybe it's good that he was there because I don't know what I'd have done if he hadn't been.