Since just before I went to Tenerife, I've felt really distant and lost. I've been trying my best to focus on university work, but it's not been going very well. Christmas was nice though, I spent it with my boyfriend and his parents. Then him and I went to stay with my parents for new years.
I had an appointment with my psychologist a few weeks ago and he essentially said that he's going to formally write up a diagnosis for autism because he can't think of anything else it could be. People often say that they get some sort of relief from getting their diagnosis, but I can't help feeling that in this case it doesn't really mean anything.
When I met with the new psychiatrist, he seemed to think that I just have social anxiety, which is something I'd brought up in the past but I don't know, I kind of feel like seeing them has just been a waste of time. I feel better now because I have my boyfriend and my best friend, not because of anything the psychologist or psychiatrist have done for me. But even so, I seem to be struggling more again now.
I keep having nightmares and not the usual being chased by people who are trying to kill me. Instead, I'm trying to kill myself. I think maybe its just because around this time last year was when things were really bad because of medication I got prescribed. I know I'm much better now than I was, so everything should be ok. I hope everything will be ok.
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