I'm really struggling at the moment with talking. It makes everything so much more difficult because when I'm really sad or overwhelmed I become pretty much nonverbal.
Like after my nan's funeral I was with my boyfriend and I got really upset and I couldn't say anything to him. I wanted to tell him how I was feeling, but it was so difficult to even reply to him when he asked me if I wanted a drink and stuff like that. He was trying to be helpful but he seemed annoyed that I wasn't talking to him because he didn't really know what was wrong or how to help.
Last night we went to the shop to get some stuff. It was raining and my feet were wet and he kept accidentally hitting me with the umbrella. Usually I love the rain but it was just all a bit much. He though I was being moody but I couldn't manage to tell him that I was struggling.
I know it's difficult for him because I don't talk lots anyway. But he'll say that I'm being really quiet or that he can't help of I don't talk to him and it just makes it harder for me to talk. There's so many things going around in my head that I want to say, or need to say, but no matter how hard I try I can't get the words out.
I feel like it's just me being stupid and like speaking should be easy; I don't understand why it's such a problem. I wish that there was a way to be able to communicate stuff without needing to speak. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I wish there was something that would make it easier.
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