I can't deal with this. Everytime I let myself feel anything my nose starts bleeding.
It was the funeral yesterday and I barely slept the night before, I just couldn't stop thinking about everything. And then I had to rush to the bathroom in the middle of the night so I didn't get blood everywhere. I hate nosebleeds and I've not had any for ages. I only get them when I feel overwhelmed and stressed about stuff.
So I'm spending most of my time at the moment trying not to think about my nan. We went for drinks and stuff after the funeral and I kept looking at the door expecting my nan to walk in. It seemed so strange to have everyone else there but her not to be.
I just want to give her a hug, it seems stupid because we've never really hugged much. I suppose I'm just trying to say that I miss her, but considering I wouldn't even go visit her in those last few weeks I feel like I don't really have a right to say that.
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