I don't understand why I always get like this; nothing bad happened. The party was alright because my boyfriend was with me so I felt ok. I only had one cigarette whilst I was there, so I did a lot better than I thought I was going to. I ended up drinking again the morning after though, I suppose because that's the easiest way to stop myself from overthinking everything.
I feel like cutting myself again though. I managed to resist the urge, but it was really difficult because it took ages to get to sleep last night. I've ended up smoked quite a bit today because I still don't feel great and I haven't really felt like eating but I've made myself eat anyway. It annoys me that when I get like this I feel as though I could live off cigarettes and alcohol, which just ends up making me feel worse. But it should pass in a few days, it always does.
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