I love my current university modules, they're so much better than last year; they're all things I'm interested in. It shouldn't matter that I don't understand it all because it'll make sense in the end.
So then why do I feel so sad? Why do I want to hurt myself? Maybe there doesn't have to be a reason and I the truth is just that I still have depression. That yeah I felt better for a while, but it was just a side effect of everything that happened: passing first year, actually managing to make friends, getting a boyfriend etc. But now I've got used to it so I feel shit again. I mean, I don't want that to be true but I want a logical reason for feeling like this.
I get the impression he just thinks I do this for attention, that's why he won't mention the cuts. It's probably easier for the both of us that he just ignores it. I know that he worries though, that seeing me like this upsets him. But what am I supposed to do?
If I had a choice, I wouldn't chose to feel like this, surely? I don't even know. Maybe I'm so used to the sadness that it's comforting? If this keeps happening, I know there's only one way it's going to end. But I'm so scared of losing everyone.
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