We buried my nan's ashes today, but I still can't get my head around the fact that she's gone. My nose bled last night; I couldn't stop thinking about her. I keep trying to distract myself but in the end it catches up with me and feels ten times worse. It's difficult because in the weeks before she died I didn't go see her so it feels like nothing's changed. As though she's still lying there in a hospital bed and I can't see her because I can't bear to see the state she's in. Yet the truth seems far worse: her body no more than ashes.
I want her back; I need her.
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