I've been referred to a psychiatrist. I hope they can help, but it means telling them as much as I can. I don't want them to know that I'm trying not to eat, that I've overdosed on ibuprofen and that I drink a lot of alcohol. I don't want them to try to change me. I don't even think that I want to get better.
The tablets are making me eat more, I should be stronger than this. I shouldn't give in; I like the feeling of my empty stomach. But the tablets don't make my stomach feel empty, they just make me want food. I hate it but I can't exactly give this as a reason to change the, can I? I'm still not sleeping very well though, so they might change it just for that.
I've been downing bottles of vodka. I never used to be able to drink it straight, but now I love the burning sensation as it rushes down my throat. It makes me feel alive. It makes me feel like me again.
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