I've started taking 15mg a day again. I don't feel quite as drowsy this time so maybe my body is starting to get used to it.
My mum went through the stuff in my room; she found my blades, alcohol and messages from my Italian friend. I'm not allowed to go on holiday with him now. I'm not even allowed to talk to him. So now I definitely have no one. When I feel bad, I have no relatively safe way to cut, no alcohol to drink and nobody to distract me. I feel useless and worthless. I feel stupid. I want to get away. I can't get away from anyone, not even myself.
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