My dose has been halved in an attempt to help me sleep at night and feel less 'zombie-like'. I'm done with all this; I still have to keep fighting of thoughts of suicide that are so much more intense than anything beforeI started medication. And when I cut myself now, it's deeper than before.
I've taken 4 ibuprofen tablets (800mgs), it's the highest amount allowed for a single dose. My head has stopped hurting and so have my arms, despite all the cuts. I keep banging my head in the wall, as though I can knock out all the bad thoughts. I can't help thinking that I'd be better off stopping all of this, the attempts to get better, and just disapear for a while instead. I could go live in one of those huts in the middle of the forest like the one's at Brithdir Mawr. Everything would be so much more peaceful and I wouldn't have all this pressure to be someone I'm not. I guess I just mean that I want to run away. But what I really want is to be able to run away from myself.
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