I had a great idea last night, that to stop myself from drinking as often I could drink all the alcohol in the house. As though not having any alcohol left would stop me from drinking. This afternoon I felt more suicidal than I have in a long while. I ended up googling ways of hurting myself. I had a panic attack. I really wanted something to drink to take the edge off everything. That's what the tablets are supposed to be doing, isn't it?
My body was shaking, my vision went blurry, my head fuzzy, and all I could think about was getting more alcohol. Now I have an unopened bottle of wine in the fridge.
I have only eaten one meal today, but even that feels like I'm failing. I keep telling myself that the calories from all the alcohol I've consumed this week make up for not eating. What if they do? How does that help? I didn't feel hungry today at all. It's the first time since starting the tablets that I've not felt really nauseous and lightheaded when I've had an empty stomach. It felt good.
Maybe I should go back to the doctor's? I know that I need to give the tablets more time, but everything seems to be getting worse again.
No comments:
Post a Comment