I took a 1 hour bus journey to talk about joining an anxiety and depression support group. My cuts are healing. I haven't self harmed today. I feel empty and tired. At least I don't feel anxious and sad.
Last night I wanted to kill myself. And I cried for the first time since starting medication. Everything just got too much and I felt so angry with myself; I've been trying to make things better but now I seem to be on a second wave of side effects from my meds, the last thing I have to help me feel better. What if they don't work? Or is feeling nothing a sign that they are working? I can't concentrate on anything, except reading for some reason. At least before I could find the energy to do things like writing and sewing but now I just don't see the point.
So finding a support group, that I might be able to start going to in a few weeks, gave me hope that maybe things will get better. But at the same time everything just feels so far away.
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