I couldn't sleep. I felt so shit that I just wanted everything to end. I counted up all the ibuprofen in the house, over 6000 mg. But what stopped me? The thought of my brother having to call an ambulance, or me having to call an ambulance. What does that prove? If I was considering ways of getting to hospital, I guess that I didn't really want to die. To be honest I even considered walking there at one point because I felt so bad. All this is so fucking stupid; drinking instead of dealing with my problems. But at the same time having to drink because it's either that or I overdose on a painkiller that doesn't even require a prescription. They call it safe, but you can still kill yourself with it.
Alcohol, I've considered using that. Suicide by downing 14+ units of vodka. Surely I'd pass out before the pain started. I'd be well out of it by the time I could even start to care. But is that what I want? There's only been one time in my life when I've had enough stashed away to even try it. Although I have only really been drinking for a couple of months, I've been drinking about 10 units a week. It's pathetic how I can't go longer than a week without drinking.
I hate this. I want to die. But on alcohol I can't go through with it. It's supposed to be alcohol or prescribed medication. They don't work together, maybe that's why none of this is working. I don't know what to do. Please help?
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