I can safely say that things are looking up. I woke up feeling empty and suicidal, but now I definitely feel happier. I spent most of the day in town wandering around the shops and visited two libraries. I also got lost, almost, and had to get directions from my brother as to how to get to the nearest bus stop. But I've not felt this good in a long time. It's like with everything that's happened today, even just spending time out of the house, its distracted me from feeling so shit about myself.
Tonight I had take-away burger and chips from a local shop and I ate it all. Then I had a couple of glasses of wine, without thinking about the calories, and I haven't called myself fat yet - but there's still chance for that tomorrow, when I realize how much I've eaten.
Soon I'm expecting a video call from my Italian friend and hopefully I'll manage to speak to him without feeling too anxious. But even just seeing him for a while, it's all good exposure to the anxiety isn't it? After all I won't get better if I avoid everyone, so wish me luck (or something like that).
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