I want to self harm. I don't care if it's cutting or drinking, I just want something. Writing group tonight was good, but difficult as always. Exposure task one: to read work aloud each meeting. Completed and noted that the anxiety levels are dropping, slightly, although it does depend on the nature of the work I read out. Exposure task two: to talk to one of the other members for a couple of minutes, ask them about how their week was or how they are. Not completed. After last weeks failed attempt to find something in common with our new member I felt dishearten. Yet I did intend to try talking to him again, I didn't find the right moment. Then we finished early so there was no tea break opportunity to talk to anyone. For some reason I just generally feel more anxious now when I'm there and I'm saying even less than I used to. At the moment this is my only proper exposure to my social anxiety so I'm supposed to be making the most of it. But beating myself up over it isn't going to help. Back to studying now, hoping it will distract me.
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