Monday 6 March 2017

Day 154 of university

The sleeping medication I was prescribed is good in the sense that it makes me pass out. But then I'm falling asleep all of the next day. So I didn't take it last night, but then I barely slept and I'm exhausted today, which seems to be making my anxiety worse.
I'd been trying to ignore the fact that I missed my essay deadline because there was nothing I could do about it over the weekend. But now I just feel like I don't deserve an extension on it because it's my fault for not starting it months ago when it got set. I was going to go and talk to the head of department after my lesson today but I just got so anxious I couldn't do it. Like, it's hard enough to talk to him anyway but when I feel like this there's no way I can. I know I'm going to fail the exam for the module anyway so I'll end up resitting it in the summer so it'll all work out.
I really want to cut myself but I know I shouldn't. I hate this. I just want to disappear.

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