The worst thing about having been on sertraline is that, now I know what it feels like to not care about anything, I can recognise it everytime it occurs. And I hate the feeling. Yet at the same time I feel like it couldn't matter less. Because I'm pretty sure I've felt like this all along, I just never noticed it.
But now it's here and I know maybe I should just embrace it: Not being worried about the possibility of missing lectures or deadlines, not caring what people think of me not caring if they want me to talk because chances are I won't.
Even if I want to it probably won't happen because my voice feels like a foreign parcel that never arrived at my door. Maybe it got lost on the way somewhere between my primary school and my current self. But I don't even miss it. I wouldn't want to talk like I used to even if I could. But it'd be nice to actually be able to say some of the things I blog about out loud. But if I even try to open my mouth to say them I lose the words.
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