I had an appointment with the psychiatrist yesterday. I've been advised to take a low dose of Phenergan at night to help me sleep. I'm surprised that I'm being trusted with it after all the times I've overdosed on things. But I suppose the worst that's going to happen is I'll be feeling bad during the day and take it so that I fall asleep. So it'll be ok.
They were taking about putting me back on mirtazapine. But my mood was all over the place when I was on it and I had a serious issue with overdosing on it. I knew that if I took a lot I'd feel sleepy and stuff so I kept testing how much I could take and be ok. And I now they said that addiction to antidepressants doesn't work like other drugs but it did in this case because I crave the way I felt when I overdosed, even though there was no high as such. But I think they might have been right about it being useful at a low dose but I fucked that up for myself didn't I. Can't I try something else that's the same type as mirtazapine, that might be more helpful?
I wish they'd put me on mood stabilizers or something, even my friends comment on how quickly my mood changes all the time. Like one second I'm happy and the next I'm pretty much on the verge of killing myself. I feel like I have no control over it and it scares me. That usually when I drink more because it seems to even it all out.
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