Why is a good day always followed by bad ones? I'd been feeling ok for a few days but then I seem to be getting worse again. I'm still not sleeping much and when I do I have the most horrible dreams. I wake up feeling like I haven't slept at all and wanting to hurt myself. I don't even know where to start with trying to explain the dreams other than that they feel so real it's terrifying.
I was supposed to be meeting with my learning facilitator for the first time today and I actually thought it might help. But she's ill and it was cancelled and now there's some sort of doubt about how long she will be off for. My boyfriend's gone home again and my best friend is busy with an assignment. So much for the 'support network' I'm supposed to have.
I downed two bottles of wine and then tried to continue my day as though everything was normal. I want to say I feel fine. I want to feel fine. I don't know. I just feel like I'm putting all this pressure on everyone. Like I feel sad, empty, angry or whatever for no reason and it just seems like I have no control over any of it. In one day I can wake up feeling really happy and then the next minute I'm crying, or feeling like I'm surrounded by fog - and that's the good days. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to manage this?
No comments:
Post a Comment