The first time I cut myself it was because I was curious, I wanted to see why so many people did it - how it helped with anything. It didn't.
Several years later I was in the bathroom doing my makeup for Halloween. I forgot that I had pinned my dress and as I put it on it scratched my arm. It felt good.
The same night my best friend told me that she'd been feeling suicidal for a long time. I felt scared that I was going to lose her. I lost her anyway because I couldn't find the right words to say.
Everything suddenly became too much and all I could think about was the blade I had tucked away in my room, waiting for the day when I would want it back. I wanted it now. And I've never stopped wanting it since.
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